According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) test, INFJ is the rarest or concealed personality out of the other 16 personality types. INFJ people stand for having Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and judging identities. They are often called “strangers on earth.” They have complex personalities, and they strive their whole lives to acknowledge themselves.
INFJs have a compassionate and loving nature, are great listeners, and are always ready to help others. Likewise, they are sensitive, loyal people and want the same from others. Meredith Fuller, in her research page, says that INFJs have a gift from God that they sense and absorb the feelings of others, estimate their future, and help them with anything they can do.
But contrary to their loyal and soft nature, INFJs have something else that confuses or surprises others. The thing is the notorious door slam in which they cut off others from their lives. Are you curious why they do it? Then read on. Here is the complete explanation of this strange behavior of INFJs.
What is an INFJ door slam?
As the name suggests, a door slam refers to shutting the door on a person and kicking him out of life. One of the evident signs of INFJs is their infamous door slam. When INFJs have enough proof in their mind that someone is constantly hurting or cheating them, there comes a stage when they are done with the relationship and slam the door.
They are not the only people who show this behavior, other personality types like ESTJs also slam the door, but INFJs tend to do this more frequently than others.
This term gets so much hype in INFJs because it comes as a surprise. They bottle up their thoughts and keep their feelings to themselves. That’s why others become shocked when they slam the door.
This behavior is like going to another room or house, locking the door, throwing the key into a lake, and never looking back afterward. Yes, this may be ridiculous or dramatic for others, but INFJs know they are right in their actions and will never change their mind.
What INFJs do to slam a door
The behavior of INFJs depends on the social conditions around them. It is sometimes impossible for them to cut off properly from some persons, for instance, family members, friends, or colleagues. In these circumstances, they can show this kind of reaction toward these people:
- Stop talking with them
- Avoid the company in which these people are sitting
- In every condition, behave like these people are not present around them
But when close friends or partners severely hurt or cheat INFJs, they react more severely and coldly. They will.
- Remove these people from their social media accounts
- Delete all their memories which are in the form of pictures or videos
- Burn or bury all the presents they receive from them
- Ignore them and will forget their face after some years
There’s a saying about INFJs:
“ When you deeply wound an INFJ, they don’t hate you they nothing about you.” After the door slams, you become no one for INFJs despite the strong bond they had with you in the past.
Reasons behind the door slam
INFJs are the most considerate persons, perceive the pains of others, and do everything to help and protect them. And that’s why they attract the attention of narcissists or malicious people.
INFJs notice when other people try to take advantage of them, but due to their soft nature, they give them chances, the benefit of the doubt, and calm themselves by creating lame excuses. But when they have reached the brink of their limiting point, they withdraw their existence from the whole scenario. There are certain reasons behind this specific behavior. Let’s have a look at them.
- When someone betrays them: INFJs believe in loyalty in relationships.
They show commitment towards others, help them in their darkest moments of life, and expect the same return from them, too. But when they observe the reverse behavior from others and notice their partners or friends are taking advantage of them, they get hurt. The constant feeling of betraying ness leads to slamming the door.
- When they are emotionally or physically hurt by others: When they trap in a relationship with narcissists or other stingy people, they often go under the grip of stress. These narcissists torture them emotionally or physically. They try their best to protect the relationship, but at a specific point, which is often called their breaking point, they wipe these people out of their lives.
- When someone hurts their loved ones: INFJs are emotional and possessive about their loved ones. They react severely if even their close friends try to harm those they care about. For them, the safety and happiness of their loved ones matter the most. In these circumstances, the slamming door happens more quickly and rigidly.
How others feel after door slamming
In most cases, people never understand what happens with INFJs and the specific reasons behind this sudden and severe behavior. It feels like a cosmic jolt, a slap on their face.
A person who understood and loved them and stood with them no matter what happened has turned his face away from them. This feeling starts churning them from the inside. They acknowledge their faults when they try to apologize for their rude attitude, but mostly INFJs never look at them for a second because of their stubborn nature.
Do some people consider this behavior rude?
Some people consider this behavior very harsh, never try to look at their faults, always blame INFJs, refuse to accept any accountability for their actions, and seek sympathy from others. But they know their mistake and rude behavior that leads to this situation.
For some people, door slamming may be harsh or disrespectful, but in reality, it is the consequence of their actions. It is not like INFJs slam the door on everyone or don’t give warnings before going to this extreme level. They do it when they get annoyed and have given enough chances to others; it is their defense mechanism to protect themselves from pain.
Feelings of INFJs after door slamming
It’s never easy to cut off from a person you care about and love. INFJs endure a lot before taking a serious step. According to the INFJs, door slamming involves numberless hours of reflection, suffering, angst, panic attacks, and crying.
But at the end of the day, they feel relaxed. The feelings of peace or relief overcome them. At this stage, they don’t have sensations of regret or hurt. They become more strong than their past self and move on in their lives without any guilt.
How INFJs can reduce this behavior?
Most INFJs have an opinion on why they should want to overcome this behavior. For them, door slamming is their last resort of protection from toxic relationships. They care and help others, but when they receive condescending remarks or disloyalty in return, they become their evil twins and will treat others worse than a stranger.
But one problem that INFJs have in their relationship is their lack of ability to express their feelings or thoughts. They automatically assume that their partners or friends are as emotionally involved and ardently observant as they are. And they get hurt when they don’t get the response they want.
For INFJs, it is hard to remember that all people are not as empathic. Only communication and setting boundaries from the start can solve this problem between two people and reduce the chances of door slamming.
Related: How to boost your personal growth based on your MBTI?
Can the door slam reopen by INFJ?
In 99% of cases, INFJs move on in their lives and never open the door to those people who hurt them. Because in their minds, they believe that these people will never change or accept their faults, they never give them a second chance. They wipe out every trace of these people from their lives and never regret it.
But yes, on some rare occasions, if there is some mistake or the person genuinely accepts their mistake and their wrong behavior, there is some chance that INFJs may open the door. If these people approach them and seriously apologize for their nasty attitudes, INFJs can forgive them with the hope of starting a fresh beginning.
Precautions to avoid door slam
INFJs like to be loved by others because this is the same thing they do for others. The way you address or behave with them matters a lot. So give them respect and assure them that you will be with them through thick and thin. Listen to them and make your relationship based on love, kindness, and loyalty. If you do these things, there will never come the point at which they slam the door on you.
An environmentalist by education and content creator by choice. I have diverse industry experience in teaching, writing, content creation, and marketing. Currently working as a Bussiness Development Manager at YellowCreatives; providing digital marketing services.
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